I'm Going to Win
December 10, 1998
9:52 p.m.
I'm going to beat this story, if it's the last thing I do. I'm declaring flat out before God and country and globe, and even the allmighty Net, that I refuse to lose this one. It all started back a couple months ago with a really beautiful idea. I've mentioned it a couple times here in off-hand fashions, and really struggled with it for a month before I found its real heart. Now I'm struggling with the implementation. The first draft came two weeks ago, the second a couple days later, the third a day after that. The thing is a kaleidoscope. It's fragile and it's beautiful. But just when I start to understand it, the sun shifts and the tube turns. The next time, a cloud covers the light and everything that was blazing gold turn maze yellow. I could try to blame this on external factors, of course. Brigid, Lisa, Brigid's school, work, the house. But if I tried to do that I would be missing the whole point of what I'm trying to do with my life these days. The problem is me. I'm not yet a good enough writer to tell this story correctly. Or, at the very least the story requires a more subtle application of the skills that I have than I'm used to applying. I'm not going to pick nits over a definition here or there, though. I'm comfortable enough with myself to say that it's just a better story than I've been able to tell. But I can be obnoxiously, dare I say it, persistent. ... that thud you just heard was Lisa falling over of shock ... I'm going to win. I'm going to take this story apart word by word until it's right. I'm going to put sentences together until they flow like river water, inevitably carving a perfect path through the mountainside. I'm going to do this because I know this story inside and out. It's different from others I've struggled over in that way. I've been breathing it. I understand it. There's really nothing more for me to discover. But I love the feeling of writing it. It's me and the craft. And when I'm through it might sell, and it might not. But I'll be a better writer for my effort. I'm going to beat this story. You can bet on it.  Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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"She whom I love is hard to catch and conquer, Hard, but O the glory of the winning were she won!" Geroge Meredith |
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