... settling back down ...
June 3, 1999
5:21 p.m.
Wow. Wanna get e-mail, just ask a sports related trivia question in the middle of your entry. Many thanks to Jon, who informed me that "Big Smooth" is Sam Perkins, and even pointed me to his web site. Phil Yager, obviously a Pacer guy, went ahead and gave me a few additional nicknames for Mr. Perkins--names that won't be mentioned here for fear of libel [g]. But, of course, the big winner is Elsie Costello, who came up with both Perkins and Chris Williams, a guy who plays, apparently, for the University Virginia. In the meantime, I'm sorting through the Analog contract. There's new boilerplate in there that I want to understand before I go forward with it, so I'm following my own advice, and asking a few other folks about it. Yes, it happens sometimes, folks. And I'm working on another pass at "Phantom Lives", the story I spoke of earlier that had 10 good pages. So, things are moving along. But it's really slow, you know. Sometimes the pace of success in this field is barely measureable. Linda's journal is documenting the intense frustration that this can bring. I see other journals talking back at her, saying they would trade places with her. And I know what they mean. When I had barely sold anything (here's Ron, putting on the Conical Hat of Pretension), I looked at people in Linda's shoes, and I suppose in mine now, too, and I thought Wow. What are they complaining about? I would love to be them. And I would have traded my right arm--well, maybe my left one, anyway--to get there. But I understand Linda's feeling. You'll understand it sometime, too. My advice is that you do your best to not focus on publication as your bar of success. It's advice that I rarely can take to heart, I'll admit. But I wish I could. Because once you've climbed this mountain, and looked out on the other side to see the vast wasteland that needs to be traveled to get to your real goal (a wasteland littered with the writhing forms of insane writers, I might add), you begin to feel a great pressure inside. A pressure heavier than anything else in your writerly existence. You think the anxiety you felt when you first submitted a manuscript was bad? You think telling people you are writing is bad? You think staring at a deadline with a story that isn't working is bad? Just wait. Just wait until you're looking out over that wasteland, faced with the ultimate knowledge that a few sales to S&S, or Analog is essentially meaningless in the big picture of the publishing industry. Just wait until you realize that your successes, are viewed not as successes, but as indicators that you might be considered successful within the industry sometime. They mean the door is now open. But time moves so slowly in this industry that you can't tell if you're moving through that open door, or if you're stagnating, or (forbid) if that open door is really moving away from you. Newer writers, as I'm sure you're aware if you read my page consistently, or most of the NAW pages for that matter, are always trying to gauge themselves. Where am I with respect to everyone else? Not that we're expecting a positive answer--we know we're on the bottom of the dung heap. But we're constantly looking for an indicator that the bargraph of progress is on an upward slope. Sloping up, everything's fine (but not fast enough, damnit). Sloping down, time to break out the arsenic and razors. But perhaps the worst feeling is to not be able to gauge it. To not know what path you're on is like walking a tightrope through a cloud. So I sympathsize with Linda. And I suggest again to you that you not focus too intently on a single publication. Yes--celebrate it when it comes. But don't make that the focus of your writing. Don't make it the reason you write. You see, my enthusiasm for this last sale to Analog continues to resonate with me. And I know the reason is because I really liked writing this story. "A Matter of Pride" is a good little tale. I like it for the way it's put together, and all that. But mostly I enjoyed it because it carries a couple of characters that I just liked getting to know. So I'm seeing this publication as success for them. It's a chance for them to actually get out and rub elbows with the world. I'm thrilled for them like I would be if they had announced they were going on a cruise. Does any of this make sense? No one ever said I was a stable human being. You can't ignore the business end, of course. And I'm not telling you to ignore the goals of publishing. Goals are Very Good Things. But don't stress these goals so much that they become the reason you write. Write because you love it. Write because you think you might be pretty good at it someday. Write because you want to know the characters, and because you think the situation they are in is pretty danged funny in a sadistic sort of way. And if you do, I believe the door will open, and I believe you'll move through it.   Have a great day.  Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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"Of all those arts in which the wise excel, nature's chief masterpiece is writing well." John Sheffield, Duke of Buckingham and Normandy |
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