My Ottoman
March 15, 2000
6:11 a.m.
If you're my generation or older, or it you've watched Nick at Night, you know that every time Dick Van Dyke walks into his living room he trips over his ottoman and sprawls to the floor. I used to wonder why the heck they didn't just move the danged thing, you know? But now I'm beginning to understand. You see, I've got this Dick Van Dyke thing going with Weird Tales. You see, I'm a "professional" as defined by having played in this world of publishing for a good long time. I know the rules. Short cover letter. SASE. Formatted manuscript. Yada, yada, yada. But strange things keep happening at Weird Tales. Once I forgot to put postage on the SASE, and drew a brief note of reprimand. And once I printed a manuscript and the toner cartridge apparently went bad halfway through. Yeah, I should have checked, but I was in a hurry I guess, so I inadvertently sent them a story that was hard to read by the end. Another sharply worded note and a copy of their guidelines. There have been other things, too. I don't submit to Weird Tales that often. But something just seems to happen with pretty much all of them. Two weeks ago, I received what appeared to be a rejection from them. I came home from work and saw my SASE on the counter with my address label on it and the name of the story inked on the back. Lisa had written on the envelope "Is this a rejection or an acceptance?" Inside there was nothing but the usual advertisements for DNA magazines. We could have a talk about the practice of sending advertisements with rejections, but I understand what they're doing. Might as well get all the free press you can. Anyway--there was no letter inside to tell me the disposition of the story. So I tucked it away with all the rest, assuming it was a rejection. Fast forward to yesterday. Another letter. Owlswick press logo in the corner. I open it. Inside (amid another batch of advertisements) is a letter saying the story is good, but not quite good enough. And toward the bottom ... ... In handwriting ... ... a pointed note of reprimand--"No return envelope." I don't think this is my market.  You probably believe in the Bermuda Triangle, too, right? Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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