Waiting
March 23, 2000
6:51 a.m.
So... I decided I would work this morning. And I worked. I didn't get as far as I wanted. I didn't finish anything. I'll go to work today and move my primary project along. We've been on a two month development binge, and are drawing nearer and nearer the release date (which is the end of the month). As with any complex system and release dates, there are about 70 gazillion things that are happening at once...all of which seem perpetually "open" rather than "closed." In our parlance, "open" means "in work", "closed" means "finished." While tons o' stuff is happening, nothing seems to be "closed." Then there's some other stuff I've been dealing with for about four months that perpetually seems to be on the edge of "closed" but never seems to quite make it. To make it more fun, this is about trusts and banks and lawyers and all that fun stuff. Regardless, it's "open" not "closed." Of course, my mailbox is suffering many of the same problems as Lisa Silverthorne's in that it never seems to be filled, leaving many submittals "open" that reallyreally should be "closed." Really.   I once had a boss who asked me what I wanted to do for my next assignment--no, I don't think he was trying to get rid of me so much as he was flexing his Good manager muscles. I replied that it really didn't matter so long as it had to do with making something happen. Yes, I love various technology things, but I could work in a bread factory and be perfectly content, just so long as my position had something to do with checking off milestones. I love to see things work. I enjoy knowing I've made something occur. It occurs to me that I do not remember the last story I truly finished. Novel Dares don't count because those are just drafts. I guess it was back in November. Four months ago. Suddenly things seem so much clearer. The whole thing--everything about my life right now--feels like I'm waiting. I'm standing at a bus station, waiting for the project to release, waiting for manuscripts to come back (preferably in check form, but any way works), waiting to get something new out the door. The bus will come. In fact, it's like I can see the bus fifteen blocks away. It lurches to start and necks into traffic. But it's a false movement. Traffic is bumper to bumper. This requires patience, and and more waiting. Have I mentioned how difficult waiting is? So I'm trying to remember how to enjoy the bus stop. Did I mention I worked this morning?  We're waiting, too. Waiting for a decent entry. Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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