What's your Psychosis?
October 17, 2001
7:34 a.m.
Working. Always, always working.   I've been reading a bunch of Dave Slusher's interviews from an e-book I grabbed off fictionwise. In particular, I found a comment by Nicola Griffith in response to a question about breaking into the music & book business. "...someone once said that in order to make one's living in any field of creative endeavor one had to be almost psychotic. You have to believe in yourself so strongly, to sit there day after day with your computer or your pen or your piece of paper or guitar, and think 'I can do this. 999 billion people before me have failed, but _I_ can do this.' It's quite a psychotic state of mind to have to hang onto year after year. It takes years. Nobody does it over night." Does this scare you? If not, do you know what it means? I've been struck by a few comments from folks in the NAW or around the NAW anyway, about whether they are writing because they like the act of writing or because they want to be published. And I've talked to a guy at work who is a writer a few times about it, and gotten pretty much a similar answer--that they really don't enjoy the pain of the process much, but they continue to write. I have to admit this puzzles me. Don't get me wrong. My entire goal is to get published. I love it. I like seeing my name in places as well as the next guy, and I dearly look forward to the day when I can tell people that, yes, I've got my own book. You short story writers out there know what I mean. But why would you walk into this thing knowing how hard it's going to be, if you don't truly enjoy the process of putting your words on the page? I used the quote from Nicola Griffith because I believe it. I agree with her use of the term psychotic. And I do believe in my writing. I believe I'm the best damned writer in the world. Or at lease maybe in Columbus. Well. At the very least I'm the best damned writer in the basement of my house. [grin]. I can do this. Yes. I'm sure everyone has felt that at one time or another. But what I can't grasp is how anyone can maintain that feeling over the years if they don't actually enjoy putting words together. I worry about this, sometimes. Is their psychosis just that much stronger than mine? Does this mean they'll make it and I won't? No. I don't think so. I would be interested to hear from people who don't like that physical act of writing, actually. If you don't like doing it, why don't you stop? Is it peer pressure? Is the lure of publication actually so strong that it overrides the pain? If so, how do you keep going after you've published something? I mean, the thrill of publication is gone almost before it arrives. Is it's lingering aftertaste so powerful that it carries you on for months and months afterward? Is it fear that prods you on? Is it something else? Seriously. This journal is about setting goals and never stopping until you're done. I'm interested in knowing what makes you set goals and what allows you to go on--besides "I can't not write." I'm not doubting that there are people who truly can't stop, mind you. But if that's the case, I want to know why you can't stop. I want to know what drives you.  Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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