The Parenting Model
March 28, 2003
6:16 a.m.
I know I'm skirting dangerous territory with a second entry this month. Stand back. Don't try this at home. First, I suppose I should take care of a little news. Recent weeks have seen the following: "Learning the Language" was published in the Land/Space anthology (along with stories by Tobias Buckell and James A. Hartley, I might add), "The Vacation" saw print in the original anthology Future Wars, and my collaboration with John C. Bodin, "The Day the Track Stood Still," is available in this month's Analog. Beyond that, I am pleased to report that Analog has accepted "Just Business," which they intend to run in roughly October. So, there's that.   We are in Iraq. I know that's not breaking news anymore, but since this journal is turning into a periodical, I figured I would bring you up to speed. My last entry moved my friend Stephen Leigh to suggest that my parental viewpoint to the world was a part of the problem--he suggested that seeing ourselves as the world's parent was more than a bit arrogant. I see his point. Who the heck are we to appoint ourselves boss? I should note that I didn't start by saying we are the world's parent. What I actually said was that our relationship to other countries is akin to that of a parent. Still, the "Who the heck are we..." question can be asked. The only answer is that we are the one with the bulk of the resources. This fortunate fact gives the US power, and wise use of that power (like a parent again) means the application of a proper sense of responsibility. When I teach Project Management, one of the most effective pieces that I get into, as measured by comments I get in post-course surveys, has to do with the relationship between the project manager and upper management. "As a project manager," I say, "I treat Vice Presidents as if they are my mom or dad." Course members get weird-looking expressions for a moment before I draw parallels. Upper management has a lot of control over my life--they can directly affect my financial state, they can tell me what to do to a point, or throw me out of the house if I act up in ways that they disapprove of. They can make me angry by making decisions that I don't find popular. But at the end of the day, it's healthy for me to realize that they are on my side. They want me to win, because that is what is best for them. And so I liken my relationship to them as that of the child to the parent. My eventual message here is that we should not fear those with the parental role. Instead we should seek to understand them. There is nothing wrong with being the weaker--in fact, the Taoist mindset might say that one should merely accept this discrepancy and use it to one's advantage. Or, as the Dali Lama suggests, since the root of most human unhappiness is unfulfilled desire, it behooves the child role to emotionally accept their position, and begin to work within it to improve their lot in a positive way. Yes, that sounds arrogant because I am a citizen of the US, and it could be argued that I'm telling citizens of less powerful countries to shut up and get on with life. But the Dali Lama is the one that said this, and last I looked he's the voice of one of the most oppressed and downtrodden peoples on the face of the earth. I should note that most course members catch on to the fact that I do not actually think that my company's CEO is my actual father. Perhaps I should also note that one of our latest management studies in social business psychology is that of a "Parenting Model" wherein the role of corporate functions is described as parental to the operating elements of the business. Similarly, perhaps I should also note that if someone in the parental role tries to shirk their duty, many bad things can happen to that person as well as to those in the role of child. And last, I feel impelled to note that somewhere along the way (a path that will certainly include some boneheaded pratfalls--no people in parental roles are perfect) I do feel that our form of government will get things right. I believe in us. If this makes me untrustworthy in your eyes, well, you certainly have the right to that opinion. It's a free country, after all.  Daily Persistence is © Ron Collins |
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Seek first to understand, then be understood Stephen Covey |
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